So this is what hard core adult love of Harry Potter gets you:
Or maybe it’s the delightful Klump clap that they know ensues when a channel flipping session lands on Practical Magic or Hocus Pocus … or The Craft.
Is this what I get for publicly and privately doing Stevie Nicks twirls? Do you think I need 37 twirlworthy skirts from which to choose?
This is about that one time I bought the fancy incense in Whole Foods isn’t it?
Y’all. I have no idea how I wound up on this mailing list. Wait.
I googled Voldemort a few months back and Ren Faire several before that. Oh, and mead. I was curious about recipes. Too involved.
NEVERTHELESS. You cannot believe the hilarious items that are in this mug. (You can smell the patchouli can’t you?)
Front cover says “We Offer Goddess Sizes At No Extra Cost!”
Listen. While I appreciate the flattery, can I just point out that these WILDWALKER BOOTS be on the cover as well and well …
Mary-dont’cha-weep-Martha-ovah-heah-moanin, but I’ll be damned if I could buckle nan swash with these on. Still (and this is how I get caught up), there’s a part of my Capricorn spirit that so appreciates the practical nature of having POCKETS ON MY BOOTS! Sure, it’s probably the Capricorn part that’s in the 9th House of Uranus, but y’all know how I loves me some pockets!
I’m also certain that wearing these would guarantee my very own “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” moment. Maid Marian who?
Anyways, inside there are so. many. things!
- Sandals named Twinkle Toes.
- A personal power ring that looks like a mini pipe organ/chapstick/Neverending Story oracle.
- PENCIL LEGGINGS.
- A cardigan with bedazzled Maleficent wings on the back.
- A love bites choker. Look at the detail on this mug. And I quote: “Once bitten, forever smitten! Punctures (and a sprinkling of red droplets!) of genuine Swarovski crystal make this a memorable choker, circling the throat in black velveteen, secured by a lobster clasp.”
- More mosaic clogs than you can possibly imagine.
Meanwhile, why the spellin’ magic with a “k”? I mean I love phonetic spelling as much as the next Southerner but putting a “k” in magic instantly makes me paranoid about having dry mouth. I mean, I still take a sip of water everytime I hear Adele singin’ “so thick and opaque” in “Hometown Glory.” Umph.
*Sips tea. Clears throat.*
Back to the pyramid scheme of all schemes. At least I know where I can get some palazzo pants the next time that fad hits me. And Oh SNAP! Lady Mary Crawley eat your heart out. There go my velvet gloves on page 51!
*Does the Celie-got-a-house-bought-and-paid-for-shimmie-in-the-snow-acha-cha dance.*
I mean, if ever you had distracted tendencies *SQUIRREL!* this catalog would give you so many Mufasa shivers.
- Glow-in-the-dark pirate skulled flats. They just in here making up shit now. I ain’t even showing you that picture ’cause they look exactly how you afraid they look. Lord.
*DEAD. Dead. And mo’ dead.* BIRD IN A HAND BAG! What’s next? The Two in the Bush clutch? Mercy me.
This is straight up House of Slytherin bidness in the better half of this book. I mean, I love me some Helena Bonham Carter and all but Bellatrix I am not.
Myth, Magick, Fantasy & Romance! If this was s’posed to be my Valentine’s from the Universe, you will find on the edge of seventeen dranks. Stevie Nicks twirls at the top of erry hour.
Just like the white winged dove…